Finding the time

From an email, copied with permission:

. . . I don't get how you possibly have time to do a blog, send little videos to your brother, write songs, watch TV, read books, do lesson plans and teach school. I'm thinking maybe you don't sleep. Anyway, I enjoyed it (the blog) even if I don't get all the creative stuff on it. It got me to thinking, that since every waking hour (except about 5 a week) are already booked for me, maybe I could be more creative if I wrote a blog instead of sleeping. Then I realized I'd just be a bigger witch than I already am if I got less sleep than I do now-so I tossed that idea right out the window and went back to reading more week old e-mails that I should have answered before now. You just keep up the good creative work, and I'll just keep cleaning toilets-or dishes or laundry, or floors-or grocery shopping, or soccer coaching, etc etc etc

My secret is mediocrity. The trick to doing lots of things, I've found, is to not do any of them well.

I'm glad you enjoy the blog. I don't spend much time on it. The video took about 20 minutes, but allowing my brother to one-up me is simply not an option. The other stuff is crammed into my day here and there. For instance, I finally finished reading Waiting for Godot, but I read most of it in the car while waiting for the kids to come out of religious ed (after doing some shopping). I usually write the blog entries at my desk after my school day, when I feel I can't grade another paper and Eldest isn't yet out of track practice. And I'm finally recording music again, but that (usually) starts when the family day is done. They settle down with some TV and I slip away to work on music. It's my toy-train set.

I don't play golf or bowl or watch sports. My kids are old enough to require less time, though I still make it to track meets, read Curious George, or throw a ball now and then. I have a tremendously supportive wife, and we've both made a point of carving out time for each other's creative pursuits. I could be a better dad. I could be a better husband.

But your letter struck a chord because, well, I do feel guilty. Last night I spent a couple of hours working on the drum track for a song I'm recording. Hours. On the drum track. But I enjoyed myself so much that my German/Catholic Pleasure Inhibitor was activated. Someone had to be mad about it: my wife, or my mom, or God, or Captain Karma; someone. Three or four times I came out to collect permission for wasting time. My wife was curled on the couch with Youngest watching Dancing with the Stars, Daughter was cocooned in her room with a book or her guinea pig, and Eldest was working on homework. I probably should have done bedtime - it is well past my turn - but my wife kept saying she didn't mind (because I kept asking), and whatever work I could have been doing for school or for the house will get done another time. I got up early to take the trash out.

I've been stressed, I've felt trapped, and I'll feel stressed and trapped again. Oddly, actively pursuing this stuff has taken time, not given it, but it seems to have brought some balance. The things that worry me still worry me, but they dominate my thinking less. That sounds all Zen-guru-y, but I'm feeling all Zen-guru-y, like I've figured something out for a change. Any second someone will walk in the door with a big problem, or an even bigger problem than that, and all of this could go poof. Someday I'll read this and be embarrassed by my naivety. Probably tomorrow.

Remember, also, that after, what, fifteen years, I'm not directing a play this year. While it seems that should be about extra time - that's two and half hours a day I've gained - it doesn't feel like I've gained much time. Work expands to fill the available time. Generally, I'm here at school anyway. What I have gained is the chance to catch my breath, the ability to focus on teaching, and quite bit of reflection. That doesn't happen a lot, and I'm trying to take advantage of it while I can.

Your letter, though I'm sure was written in fun, seems a little angry, and, judging from the length of this response, really got me thinking. You have faced problems the likes of which I haven't. I suspect that that is a big reason that you are always so remarkable and supportive. I wouldn't wish your troubles on anyone, nor would you, I know. But you still always have a smile and a nice word - always. You certainly have your hands full, and you always juggle with grace.

I bet most people would benefit from actively keeping track of that which they most want to do.

Prizes and Peanuts

The seniors pulled their annual prank at school yesterday. Among other things (a lobby filled with balloons, the dean’s whole office moved to the library), they stuck hundreds of plastic forks in the quad.

“The quad” refers to a lawn, not a person. That’s not even funny, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Now, a matching game! Three white male forty-something teachers are looking at the school quadrangle, filled with forks, sharing their first reactions. Match the teacher to his reaction.

The teachers:

Teacher A: Computer Science teacher. Christian.. Tall; slender. Pisces

Teacher B: Physics and Ethics. Theologically Trained Existentialist. Slender. Capricorn.

Teacher C: English. Ambiguous Catholic. Tall; slender. Somewhat dashing. Sagittarius.


“What was your first reaction to the forks on the quad?”

1: “It makes me think of Arlington National Cemetery.”

2: “You think maybe the seniors are saying ‘Fork you’?”

3: “I dunno. Plastic ware?”


Tie-breaker: Write your response to the scene.

The winner gets a coffee mug and sandwich. Judges decision is final. Void where prohibited by law. Actual responses not expected, because, seriously, who reads this? But if anyone actually does, the prizes will be awarded for real.

The most creative thing I've done since the last entry:
I finally finished the drum track for a song I’m recording.

The least creative thing I've done sine the last entry:
Mulched. Well, spread mulch. Spreaded?

Stuff that helped:
One of my students performed with her classical trio at school. Amazing. Surprisingly, it was the modern piece that most struck me, even though I often don’t understand contemporary classical. If Keith Emerson wrote the Planet of the Apes soundtrack for clarinet, cello, and piano, it might have sounded like this. This is what they did, recorded elsewhere. Remember, these are high school kids.




Stuff that hindered:
Those are high school kids. Damn it.

Current project:
That song I’m recording. It’s called “Ring. Nobody Home.” I’ll post it soon.

Next project:
It’s not for my project, but I finished reading Godot so that I can advise a friend on his project.

Guitar?:
Someday.

What I want to be reading these days:
I never much liked Peanuts. I get mad at how beloved it is and how funny it isn’t, and yet I can’t not read it. I can skip Apartment 3D or Prince Valiant, but Peanuts looks like it should be funny. I root for it every time, and I am always disappointed. But I can’t stop. Sunday morning is a time for hope.

Then, Charles Schultz died, and, okay, sorry he died, but now I resent his comic even more. Now an actual dead guy is being not funny, which is to be expected (Sorry, Bernie), but he is keeping new talent off of the comics pages, which is not. There’s no room for Pearls Before Swine in our Sunday comics? C’mon!

That biography of Charles Schultz came out last year, and the reviews were all, wow, the creator of Snoopy was depressed and kind of jerk! I was, like, “No way!” Only in a really sarcastic way that’s hard to type.

But, for reasons consistent with the point of this blog but not yet to be disclosed, I’m currently reading Peanuts: A Golden Celebration.

You know what? It’s pretty good. It’s. . .it’s. . . ahem. It’s funny. There. I said it. And it’s kind of smart. I really like the early, 1950s stuff. Charlie Brown was actually a lot more like Calvin, and there was wit and attitude, not just depressive sentimentality, rolled eyes, sighs, and bizarre Sopwith Camel surrealism. We’ve turned a real corner, here, me and Chuck. But I’m going to stop reading the collection before I get too far into the seventies.

I’m still on page 4 of The Brothers Karamazov.

What I'm actually reading these days:
Peanuts: A Golden Celebration. I just said that. Pay attention.

I recommend:
Ending weekend yard work at 5:00.

On Not Writing A Blog

Here's a good point someone wrote to me. It gave me pause:

If you wanna get better at writing plays - write plays - don't write about writing plays.

If you do this, all you're gonna do is get better at writing blogs.

Yes. This is true. Damn it. And it raises the question: What is the point of this, aside from the pathetic narcissism?

I don't really have an answer to that.

I used to blog a lot about my kids. Family and close friends like to hear about what's going on, and my wife started a blog but then stopped, and I had fun writing it. I still do once in a while. I should do more, because when I knew that I was blogging, I found myself being a better dad. At first, that too could be seen as pathetically narcissistic - I'm a better dad so that I can write about being a better dad. But that's not how it worked. What happened was, because I had a forum, even with only, like, four readers, I would constantly be on the look-out for material. I would pay more attention, and thus find more to enjoy and to love about my kids.

Wow. I really ought to blog about my kids more. Cuz they're really driving me nuts lately.

Anyway, I thought that I could use that idea to motivate me to work creatively. And it worked, sort of. I'm looking to create stuff to put here. I could do the same with a journal, but I've never been a journal-er. So I'm going to stick with this for as long as it feels like a motive more than a distraction.

So, where's that song then?

Good question. It's done. But I'm pretty sure I'll never post it, for reasons to be explained later.

The most creative thing I've done since the last entry:
I finished writing and recording that new song. Turns out, sketches are a bad idea.

The least creative thing I've done sine the last entry:
Wrote a grant proposal.

Stuff that helped:
Andy, who taught me how to get the drum track working over the phone.

Stuff that hindered:
Trying to write like a writer I'm not.

Current project:
I'm going to write new material for this blog if it kills me.

Next project:
Reading Waiting for Godot. I've put it off long enough that it's gone from being "reading" to being "a project."

Guitar?:
Nope.

What I want to be reading these days:
Still The Brothers Karamazov

What I'm actually reading these days:
Supposedly, The Brothers Karamazov. But really I watched 30 Rock and an episode of Battlestar Galactica last night. It felt good.

I recommend:
Dave Hill's blog, especially this entry

It works! Almost.

The blog worked.

I decided to write a song last night to post here, to see what I could write and record quickly in the interest of this project. So the blog worked, in it's way.

But instead of writing, I doodled some ideas on the piano, started to record it, and couldn't figure out how to get the drum track to record. I ended up spending two hours, and staying up late, trying to figure out how to do what should be the most basic thing in home recording. I'm a MIDItard.

The most creative thing I've done since the last entry:
Tried to write a song. Also, came up with a 1950's style one liner. Only 70% of the people I said it to actually got it, and an even smaller number thought it was funny at all, but one person really laughed hard:

When they started up the very first train, I wonder if anyone said 'That sounds like a tornado.'

Do you get that? Let's move on.

The least creative thing I've done since the last entry:
Spent two hours trying to record a MIDI VST drum machine instead of moving on and writing the damn song.

Stuff that helped:
A snipet of a Lucinda Williams song on the radio made me want to write something really simple and honest, the opposite of the excesses of "Everlasting Happiness."

Stuff that hindered:
Frickin' Groove Agent drum machine. Lost that "really simple" part pretty quick.

Current project:
I'm going to write that song. Damn it.

Next project:
I want to work on that collaboration I mentioned, or at least discuss it with the owner of the idea. But I need to read Godot first.

Guitar?:
Nope.

What I want to be reading these days:
Still Waiting for Godot. Also, as part of a post mini-mid-life-crisis attempt to read great books, The Brothers Karamazov. Seriously.

What I'm actually reading these days:
Over Cheerios this morning: Matt Taibi's undercover report on the Christian Right in the new Rolling Stone. Last night I read four pages of Karamazov. You know what? I think it might be kinda funny.

NOTE: I am the first person ever who has put off reading Waiting for Godot by reading The Brothers Karamazov. You must be very impressed. The fact that I knew I would be reporting this had no effect whatsoever.

I recommend:

First Entry

So, what is this?

This is an attempt to spur my creative impulses. By journaling my process and progress, I hope that I'll be spurred to work on the stuff I want to work on rather than just the stuff I have to work on. Also, I'll keep tabs on what's going on with current or past projects.

If I invited you here, it's because you've encouraged me to write, or sing, or perform, or something, either with something you said or something you did or someone you are. Thinking that you're looking over my shoulder will keep me working on stuff. I'll try to put content on here regularly - the goal is everyday - so check back often, and always feel free to comment.

I've included a song to get started. It's something I recorded a while ago.

The most creative thing I've done since the last entry:
Started this blog.

The least creative thing I've done sine the last entry:
Shaved the back of my neck.

Stuff that helped:
Yesterday, I got the Talking Heads "Little Creatures" from the library, and played "And She Was" loudly in my car. It's been forever since I've heard that song. Also, an art show at school; great art by kids I maybe wouldn't expect if from. Also, spring.

Stuff that hindered:
I've got to grade those papers, damn it. And write those progress reports. Damn it.

Last project:
Editing, mixing, and mastering performance tracks for a new production of my musical. I'll be involved with rehearsals when they are a bit further along.

Current project:
None. None! But wait. Big idea is brewing.

Next project:
I'm going to meet with a former collaborator who wants input from a playwright (me!) about an idea he has. This is cool. He is cool.

Guitar?:
Brought it up from the basement. Tried a chord. Gave up for now.

What I want to be reading these days:
"Waiting for Godot"

What I actually read recently:
Sunday comics. I was worried about Sherman.

I recommend:
Bent Objects

Here's that song. Hope you enjoy it.

Everlasting Happiness